Greetings. I’ve always strived to be a force of good in this world, to help the needy and ultimately contribute as much as I humanly can to Make the world a better place™

In that sense and following the steps of countless useless virtue signalling hashtags, I am proud to stroke my dic– I mean, ego, and present to you: The #SwapACommie Campaign!

What is the #SwapACommie Campaign?

As its name implies, it’s a campaign that aims towards one purpose: To trade away 1st world Internet Communists for hard working 3rd world Venezuelan Capitalists, thus Making the world a better place™.

 

Is this a serious campaign?

Of course, why wouldn’t it be?

 

But Kaleb, are you sure you want to cede your spot in that wondrous socialist utopia for a stranger?

A noble sacrifice yes, a burden I along with my fellow Venezuelans would endure with pride so that dozens (or more) Internet Communists can live in the utopia of their dreams.

 

Alright, what would it take to achieve such a daunting task?

When there’s a will, there’s a way! A quick rundown of this program would go like this:

Step 1: Contact your Local representative or related institutions and inform them of the proposal. After all, reducing the amount of communists living in USA is a matter of public health.

Step 2: These groups acquire the necessary funds and fill the necessary paperwork to make this all happen.

Step 3: A list of commie candidates is presented for approval.

Step 4: These Internet Commies are given a few Starbucks coupons to allure them into a false sense of safety, before they’re snatched into helicopters and thrown into the– Whoops, my bad! I got carried away there! Disregard this step–or not! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Step 5: A list of Venezuelans is presented as part of the exchange. We’re willing to do a 1:1 exchange ratio if the standard rate of ten (10) commies for one (01) Venezuelan feels like a bit too much.

Step 6: Both sides get a one way plane ticket.

Step 7: ???

Step 8: Profit!

Sounds feasible. What would these Virgin Internet Commies be getting in return?

They will get to live in the Socialist Utopia of their dreams of course! They will be able to partake in many great activities, included but not limited to:

  • The authentic experience of living with only ~$5-10 a month. They’re commies, they don’t like money anyways, right?
  • Waiting in line for food when the last number of their passport matches the corresponding day of the week.
  • Buying things like flour, eggs, and oil from food smugglers and resellers at absurd prices once they realize how futile it is to wait in line for food without the appropriate contacts.
  • Hunt for meds across all the pharmacies in the country.
  • Taking expired pills cause good luck finding meds in pharmacies. (one of my current personal activities)
  • Hunt for that rare and elusive unicorn ATM that somehow still has cash (and pray to God or your Fedora that it belongs to your bank otherwise they will get jack shit, and even if its their bank’s ATM they get just a meager amount of cash)
  • Attend mandatory Govt rallies and events, unless you want to lose your job in the public sector. You get your fancy red shirt and hat, and get to sing and chant praises to the politburo during their speeches!
  • Watch our superior state tv and all those mandatory state broadcasts.
  • As a result of hyperinflation, they will be able to buy less and less each week with their ~$5-10 a month. What a great way to lose weight!
  • Learning how to hide their power-level in public, good luck flashing that brand new iPhone bought with daddy’s credit card on the street!
  • Crime imposed curfew hours, good luck trying to stay outside after sunset!
  • Only getting running water a few days at a week.
  • A precarious electric grid and telecommunications system.
  • A public health system that’s in complete shambles, and a private health system that’s struggling to stay afloat.

 

And what would these Chad Capitalists Venezuelans be getting in return?

The escape from this Socialist Nightma–Utopia. As well as:

  • Freedom of Speech.
  • Burgers.
  • To be able to receive fair and just wages for our honest labor.

While it might seem that us Venezuelans would be getting the short end of the stick, I assure you the exchange is as balanced as it gets for both parties.

Hang on. Are you just trying to push this meme campaign as a desperate ploy to get your family out of Venezuela?

You can bet your ass I am! (All my jokes are cries for help)

 

So, if my proposal seems appeasing to you, grab the #SwapACommie starter pack here, Throw in a few memes and virtue signal away!

Thoughts? Suggestions? Feel free to leave comments below! I ain’t some commie that deletes, blocks, or forces people to register (no ten bux required to post).


11 Comments

Stalindidnothingwrong69 · August 27, 2017 at 1:28 am

This sounds amazing! but how much money are in the starbucks cupon?

    Kaleb · August 27, 2017 at 1:33 am

    As someone that has never set foot in a Starbucks, I can’t answer that.

Escapee · August 27, 2017 at 2:00 am

I was a beta tester of the program and something went wrong. When I got sent to the US no commie got swapped! Is there any way to fix this? Can I donate 10 bux to make sure the problem is resolved?

    Kaleb · August 27, 2017 at 2:12 am

    Shit, Comrade Myers eluded the authorities yet again, that sneaky commie!

SomeRandy423 · August 27, 2017 at 5:05 pm

Careful, if this gets in the comment section of Youtube you’ll have more swaps than you can handle.

    Kaleb · August 27, 2017 at 5:51 pm

    If that happens then it’s time to scale up and get them helicopters.

DoctorFudge · August 31, 2017 at 11:08 am

I think you should give those lucky communists and socialists thousands of Maduro Party Bucks! THOUSANDS! Who wouldn’t be excited at being given THOUSANDS of a currency? They’ll be rich!

    Kaleb · August 31, 2017 at 11:39 pm

    They’ll have loadsa money just like us!

Argie123 · August 31, 2017 at 5:20 pm

Hey Kaleb, we were wondering about the opposition deluxe kit, we got One former president here, Cristina Fernandez de Kichner, that is currently leading the opposition here, does it sound a fair exchange to send her and her family and we get Henrique Capriles? after all, she was a president, and Henrique was in jail, so its a fair deal.

    Kaleb · August 31, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    You don’t want Capriles, trust me.

The Medicine Situation in Venezuela | ckaleb[dot]com · September 13, 2017 at 9:27 pm

[…] would like to avail myself of this opportunity to remind you all of the imperious necessity of the #SwapACommie […]

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