And thus here I stand, at the end of a decade and waiting on the impending start of another. inb4 “ackshully, it starts in 2021”.
The past ten years certainly were most atypical and chaotic. If I may be honest, I did not lived them to its fullest, squandered too many chances, made many personal mistakes with regards to time and life choices that I still regret to this day—such as not furthering my studies, and I aimlessly drifted for too long for a large part of the decade, as a recluse devoid of purpose, thinking that perhaps, I was exempt of the passage of time.
This upcoming decade, which will encompass most of my 30s, will most likely be the most crucial of my life. I cannot predict the future, yet I am most certain that this will be the decade that will either make or break me, the one where I’ll find my role in this world that I still don’t fully understand—or will see myself fade away into dust.
As such, this, final post of the year, is in its core a public New Years resolution list, as well as a road map of the things that I want/must accomplish over the course of these upcoming ten years, some of which are of a more impending and urgent nature than others, given the current circumstances of my life.
I suppose that this is a way for me to record and share my wishes for the future, all of which will only be attained through my hard work and determination. It is also a way to hold myself accountable whilst giving a small window into what goes into my mind, with the hopes of sharing some of it with you, who is reading this entry.
Without further ado, here’s some (but not all) of the goals that I have set upon myself for the next decade:
Escape and build a new life
Of all the things that I want and need to do, this is, by far, the most pressing matter, the one puzzle that I haven’t been able to crack in almost two years now (which makes me feel like like I’ve failed), and one where I’m pretty much out of options right now.
What I need to obtain is, the last piece of it all: a legal entryway into another country, one that also allows me to take my brother with me. I certainly am not the most studied or the brightest, but I must be one of the last fools out there trying to migrate legally; it has been such a near impossible task, not just because of each country’s requirements (and the complications that come with being Venezuelan) but also the added difficulty of taking my brother with me as well, considering that he’s not my son and he is over 21 years old.
I love Venezuela, I just lost all hope in its politicians, and the status quo rages on—after all, this socialist narco-regime is good business for some higher spheres of power. I don’t expect any solution in the short-term, I’ve already gone through 20 years of revolution (21 soon), and I think that’s enough for a lifetime.
It’s only a matter of time (and bureaucracy) before I become one of the 4 million (and growing) Venezuelans who have fled the country. That being said, if you can lend a hand in cracking this puzzle then by all means—I’d be eternally grateful.
Fulfill my promise
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: On the final hours of my mother’s life on this earth I promised her that I would take care of my brother, that I would get us outta here, that I would get him to study, and that I’d see through that he unleashes his potential.
Taking care of him is something I’ve been doing to the best of my ability, the other parts of the promise are the ones that I need to redouble my efforts. I just want him to have him to be able to find his role in all of this as well—that’s what my mother wanted.
I intend to keep my promise, even if its the last thing I do.
Sword, sins, soul, and more
No matter what, 2020 is the year when I will get to publish Sword of the Nation. Once its out there I will immediately start work on the second and third chapters of that saga. Just more polish on the draft (be gentle, it’s my first time), and I’ll get onto the next phase: getting it edited and published. The events of 2019 delayed me far too much, I cannot afford any further delays.
There are other tales—no less important in nature—that I also want to bring to life through words (and perhaps other forms of media), my personal one is the non-fiction one on the list, Memoirs of a Venezuelan Pariah and all that stuff.
Mend wounds and move on
I’ve been a slave to past regrets and What ifs for a considerable amount of my life. My mind shackled to eternal questions of what I should’ve done differently, and how different would things had been had I made better choices throughout my 20s.
It has been almost two years and I still feel that failing to save my mother and not being able to procure the chemotherapy that could’ve saved her life is and will forever be, my greatest failure.
Perhaps I should talk with someone, and stop pretending that I’m 100% ok. If I am to find my place in all of this, then I should start by letting go of what was and wasn’t, unburden my mind of the past, and focus more on carving the future that I want for my brother and myself.
Venezuela, and everything that has happened to it over the past two decades, have created an environment prone to entropy and decay. Couple that with a life that was prone to such similar antics and you’ll see why I have a deep desire to create things that last longer than me.
From written works to stuff that entertains, there’s so much that I want to transmute from nebulous thoughts in my mind and into tangible form.
Do good and help others
I can’t save my country, but I can find ways to help my countrymen—and others beyond these borders. Helping people is one of the core precepts that define me.
I’ll never be a doctor like my parents, and I certainly won’t save lives in that manner, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other ways to be a force of good in this world.
Hopefully, whatever comes from Sword, Sins, Soul, and beyond will provide me with the resources and tools that’ll let me accomplish this goal—got a few ideas in mind already.
Take care of myself and improve my health
Self neglect and a general lack of interest in most (if not all) aspects of myself is one of my most glaring flaws. I lived most of my life not valuing myself, and as such, I spent much of the decade devoid of self-worth.
Being able to help others is how I’ve found some fulfillment in my otherwise lackluster teenage and early adult life. I need to learn how to help myself first if I am to one day be able to help others in a grand scale.
That same lack of self-worth has had repercutions on my health, especially throughout 2019, the last weeks saw my health take a nosedive and I pretty much started to fall apart—that was the wake up call. Things have vastly improved throughout December and I intend to keep that streak.
I owe my body proper exercise, proper consistent sleep, and adequate blood and thyroid testing. I owe respite to my mind, I’ve drowned it with anxiety and other negative thoughts for too long that it kinda became the norm—gotta learn how to relax and worry less of things that I can’t fully control.
Learn a language or two
Been meaning to do this for the longest time, it’s just that there’s always been more pressing matters.
Retake lost hobbies
Whether by laziness, economic factors, or changes in my life, there’s so many hobbies that I used to do that I stopped doing, from football (soccer, for you Amerifriends), to Karate back in the day with my mom. There’s others that I’ve always wanted to try as well.
I’ve always had a proclivity for building stuff; call me a manchild if you must, but Gunpla is one of those things that I need to properly get into one of these days, I got a handful of these before things got bad.
Coding, while not being a former hobby of mine, is something that I want to retake as one, it’s been more than ten years now and I’m pretty much in a blank slate again. Who knows, maybe I’ll get to do something fun in the future through it.
Get better at cooking
I’ve never been a master of the culinary arts beyond the most basic stuff. I somewhat improved upon them once my mom’s health began to deteriorate, despite all that happened, at least I managed to surprise her with a dish or two.
Sure, it’s not like Venezuela’s current situation allows for one to go all fancy when it comes to cooking, but I’ve managed to get away with it with simple, yet tasty (ie. edible) stuff.
Once I’m outta here I’ll see to it, need to get my brother into it as well; despite his own limitations I’ve taken it upon myself to have him ‘assist’ me with some of the simpler stuff when we’re cooking, getting him to participate and all that.
See the world (or at least some of it)
Hang out with the boys, ice cold Mike’s Hard Lemonade, no shirts, Imagine Dragons, Kenny Loggins.
Get a Monster Zero Ultra™ sippy
I must go even further beyond the limits of a regular Super Boomerjin.
Imagine all the raw power I’ll unlock once I take a small sippy.
I shall call it Super Boomerjin 3 (Sūpā Būma-jin Surī).
The ultimate goal in my life.
New Years resolutions are empty words if you don’t determine yourself and see through their completion, that is something I very much have in mind. Yes, some are easier said than done, and sometimes things simply seem to conspire against your wishes, but you can’t give up no matter what.
I’ve been very close to giving up over the past ten years, even more so in recent times, but I an bound by a promise, and I will see through it—and find my own happiness in the process.
Let’s seize the next ten years and make them ours, you’ve believed in me, and I will continue to believe in you (no, this isn’t a GL reference, I really mean it).
See you all on the next decade!
Note: The title of this post was a reference to the above-linked song, which happened to be the weeb track that I was jamming to when 2009 was ending. Why? Cause ‘it fits’.
Header picture (Kamen Rider Decade) shamelessly taken from Zeronatt1233.