I don’t have a good relationship with time; the ability to manage it, along with proper rest, and a working circadian rhythm are some of my biggest personal shortcomings. I recently sat down on my computer to email some files, the next thing I know is that the first half of 2019 has already come and gone—just like that, in the blink of an eye.

Perhaps it is something that’s inherent to being a “30 year old boomer”, but I’ve started to become very self-conscious about time as a resource lately—namely, how much I grossly misused it during my teenage and early adulthood years, if only I was wiser back then…

As of this past week, I’m now in the “make or break” stage of our new escape plan; I have four of the five cards needed to win this metaphorical duel in my hand, with the last one being the trickiest to obtain. This final document is the most crucial piece of the puzzle, can’t even board that plane without it; obtaining it comes with its own timetable and a rather intricate bureaucratic process, once it is in our hands then at last, its go time for both my brother and myself.

Right now the ball is on the other side of the court, so to speak. I’m gathering a series of documentation that I must submit when I am given the greenlight to do so, until then, I’m taking this lull period to take a look at myself and for the first time in my life, actually attempt the whole “self-improvement” thing.

Learning how to properly exercise in order to improve my health and well-being is one of my goals right now, I’m slowly sharpening up and adding more time to what is still, a very sloppy routine. At the same time, I’m attempting to solve certain key interpersonal affairs so that everything is ready and accounted for by the time I board that plane towards a new, better life. 

I’ve managed to mend up personal relationships that I once though irreconcilable and irreparable, I’ve fixed some things up, trying to learn new stuff, and I continue to attempt to have some respite and entertainment whenever possible (this post being part of that). Of course, all of my plans and newfound self-improvement goals have to be trimmed and molded around the country’s peculiarities for the time being. 

Attempting to achieve all of the above-mentioned goals and personal affairs while juggling the day to day routine that comes with living in this country (Caracas, specifically) has reminded me—or rather, made me aware of one crucial flaw: I can’t into proper time management.

It is one of my most glaring personal flaws, one that I’m now actively trying to mend up to the best of my ability, to the point that I’m scheduling my daily activities as if I was back in high school just to maximize the amount of hours on each day.

For instance, it doesn’t matter what I want to do, I have to interrupt whatever I’m doing before the clock hits 08:00pm from Sundays to Wednesdays (sometimes even up to Thursdays) because that’s the only hour we have of water on those days. Lack of proper sleep and waking up feeling restless has gotten in the way of things as well. I close my eyes for five minutes, the next thing I know is that it’s 1-4am and I feel like I haven’t rested at all, I seriously need to get some bloodwork done to see why I’m feeling so anemic lately.

In addition to that, my brother has recently expressed his desire to learn how to code, more specifically, how to make video games. This is great coming from him, considering his mental condition and how sheltered he’s been throughout his life, something that was exacerbated following our mother’s passing.

It doesn’t shame me to say that I don’t know much about it and my programming knowledge is most basic and outdated, so it means that I need to spend time learning it so that I can be of assistance to him.

I’ve always wanted to learn those two things as a hobby, so there’s that.

Attempting to juggle all of these goals along with everything else has severely slowed progress on my book’s 3rd draft, much to my dismay and disappointment with myself, the silver lining is that its allowed me to sharpen up some of the weaker characterizations, no matter how small their role is in this ~600 page draft, as well as improve the overall flow of the plot.

As a complimentary objective, I’ve begun to clean up and consolidate years upon years of notes into one single and unified lore compendium for the purposes of world building and to have enough solid in-universe reference material for the sequels/prequels that I’ve planned so far.

Getting the most out of the time that I have left in this country is very crucial, and I very much want to spend it in establishing the foundations of a better and brighter future, from health, to learning new skillsets, and everything else in between. I want to make the most out of this lull time while bureaucracy slowly moves its gears towards achieving the last piece that will allow us to start a new life away from all of this disaster and turbulent decade.

Time is certainly fleeting, fragile, and does fly indeed, but I need to wrangle it better so that I can seize tomorrow.